Turtles All The Way Down by John Green

John Green writes, "I would always be like this, always have this within me. There was no beating it. I would never slay the dragon, because the dragon was also me. Myself and the disease were knotted together for life." Mental illness is not something we like to discuss much. We battle our own battles silently. Some days it can be bearable, but other days its like our every thought is screaming at us in an anxiety riddle voice. Aza Holmes is a teenager from the very first page is riddled with extreme anxieties and obvious OCD behaviors/thoughts. The book has a lot of internal dialogue going on inside her head, which I feel reflects well with someone who suffers from anxiety. I personally did not start having anxiety and depression until my mid 20's, but I cannot begin to imagine how it feels to be a teenager riddled with these constant thoughts.
While mental illness is the strong story line throughout the novel this far, there are themes of mystery, friendship, and romance. If you have ever read something by John Green (most likely The Fault in our Stars) you may be used to this big, elaborate love story, but this book has so much more to it than this. One main premise is this mystery of where a millionaire tycoon disappeared too, and Aza and Daisy set out to find this man with a $100,000 reward. If you have read John Green before you also know some of his stories, (not sure if all) are based in Indiana. This story is set in the heart of the state, Indianapolis, so things like I-465, and the ever polluted White River, which Aza describes as "it smells of human sewage, because when it rains, the sewers overflow and the collective waste of Central Indiana dumps directly into the river." This provides some comic relief to someone who actually lives in Indiana.
As someone who suffers from extreme anxieties from PTSD, its almost fascinating reading from someone else's perspective how crippling their worries and fears can be. As the story progresses we learn about how Aza's father died at a young age. These kind of traumatic events can bring forth mental illness we did not even know we were capable of having.
Another strong quote I found from this novel, "Most adults are just hollowed out. You watch them try to fill themselves up with booze, or money, or God, or fame, or whatever they worship, and it all rots from the inside until nothing is left but the money, or the booze, or God they thought would save them. Adults think they are wielding power, but really power is wielding them." When you look at this quote from a teenagers point of view it is so powerful. We all have vices that get us through. We go from being naive children, to teenagers who start to see the world for what it is. Aza has this blunt, tell it like it is narrative, and she gives real insightful thoughts about life. I am looking forward to finishing this book this week.